~SIMPLICITY~

Welcoming 2008

2007-12-31T11:57:00.001-08:00

I haven't blogged in quite awhile and I miss it.

I have been working like crazy in the past few months trying to make my saving goal. I have 2 jobs, I work 70 hours per week (yeah I counted) and manage to tire myself out by the end of the week. I am starting to think that I am too old to be running around racing against the clock everyday. My jobs are so demanding and so stressful at times but I have to push myself because whether I like it or not I have to make it.

Overall the year of 2007 has been a good year for me. I learned a lot about myself and what I am able to do in any type of situation, be it good or bad. I am happy to have a good boyfriend who is very understanding. I am happy to find out that long distance relationship does work. This year, I met new friends and learned to let people in again. I am forever grateful for my family who loves me and supports me. I am happy that my mom doesn't have to go back and forth to the doctor. I am happy that she is able to go back to work. I am happy for my dad for being my dad. I am proud of my sister for graduating college. I am happy that I made it to her graduation (finally! ;P). I am happy that my brother didn't get his ears pierced (they were fake). I am glad that he finally got a job and no longer broke (22 cents in his bank account)-he upgraded himself. I am happy that my family is in a good place.

I really am not sure if I should make new year resolutions. I don't know if they are necessary. I used to think that losing weight would be a good one to put on the list but I found it this year that it really shouldn't be there because it will be there no matter what year it is. Losing weight and gaining weight are part of life.

My goal for 2008 is being able to take a good care of myself. I haven't been doing that this year. I want to be able to move out of my comfort zone. I don't want to work 70 hours per week anymore. I want to live life. I want to make all of my dreams come true!

I am praying that everything will go according to plan.

Cheers to 2008!

$$$ Talk

2007-02-11T20:55:00.000-08:00

My biggest regret in life is not saving enough money when I had a chance to do so.

I started working when I was 16 years old. The pay was not much. At that time, the minimum wage was $5.15/ hr and I got just that. I got my paycheck twice a month. I expected to see a big number since I worked more than 40 hrs a week but I was forgetting that I had to pay taxes so basically the more money I earned the more tax they're taking so the less money I got. But when I was at that age, I had no self control of money spending. My salary increased over time. I would suspect my bank account would be healthy but I had to close my checking at the beginning of freshman year in college because the amount of money was "insufficient."

Where did all my money go? to the mall, that's where it went. I went crazy with clothes because I was a teenager who had lost her baby fat. I spent money on shoes, food, manicure, pedicure, spa, hair stylist and car treatment. Anything that made me look and feel good. Such a dumb idea. I think of how much money I could have saved by now if I knew better. SIGH.

Looking back, I wish that I was smarter and wiser about money. I didn't know better. My parents never talked about money. It's just a taboo topic of conversation period. I remember when we went to Chicago for vacation, my dad handed out credit cards to me and my sister... with our names on it!!!!! if you're a parent, DONT DO THAT. Bad idea. A complete no no. What do kids know about credit cards? They know how to swipe it. I mean kids dont know what interest rate is, or credit score or the fact that when you use a credit card, you have to pay the credit card company back. You should teach your kids how to budget before giving them a credit card.

No use of feeling sorry for myself. All I can do right now is start over and learn how to save and spend wisely.

I'm in almost my mid 20s now and am beginning to think about my financial life. Better be late than never. I read an article somewhere that someone of my age should have stored away at least $10,000 and setting money aside for retirement. Uhmmm it's kinda hard to save that much money if we care so much about fashion. ....cute shoes and clothes and up to date make up, doncha think? I know my limitation. I love clothes, there's nothing that can stand between me and clothes. But if I want to be financially stable I have to put my image aside. I mean who do I really need to impress? No one but me. Just because I don't own the latest things, doesn't mean I'm old fashioned.

So after a long soul searching, I made a conclusion that I need to give up my old lifestyle. No more eating out every weekend, no more shopping because I am bored. I want to have a healthy relationship with my bank account. I want to have a little cushion just in case things don't go as planned. I am old enough to take care of this without the help of my parents.

I have learned to budget. Thanks to this website I learned how to manage my money.

My lifestyle has changed:

Budget:

I spend 20% of my salary on bill payments and 10% for myself. The rest go to the bank.

Shopping:

I no longer buy things that I don't need. I now can differentiate the difference between wants vs needs. I think twice before buying clothes..even if it's on sale. I don't go to the body shop for soap. I have a $20.00 budget for soap, shampoo and personal stuff at the beginning of the month. No body knows if my soap comes from the body shop or walmart. As long as I smell clean, I'm ok.

I keep my jeans. That's a big investment in clothes. My weigh goes up and down. If I dont fit in my old size that doesn't mean that I get to throw them away. I keep them just in case I might need them later. Jeans are expensive, you know... and it's hard to find the ones that fit you in the right places.

I buy more of basic stuff. Black and white cotton t-shirt for layering is a must. A cardigan. Button down shirt for a formal day. A good pair of black pants.

I don't buy 2 for $12 jewelry anymore. I invest in jewelries that are versatile and has monetary value. I'd rather buy one $100 Tiffany and Co. necklace than a bunch of inexpensive ones that I'll wear only once.

I don't buy unnecessary make up. I realize that my skin is the most important thing. So I'd rather spend time buying fruits and face cream to maintain my skin. Walgreens by my house has tons of inexpensive good quality make up. I gave up Sephora, my goddess.

I don't need anymore shoes and bags. I have enough.

Entertainment:

I used to go to the movie theatre every weekend. Now, I don't do it because one, I have no time, two, I have nobody to go with (tears). So I save about $8x4=$32 per month.

I don't go out to eat as much. If I do, I have to make sure it's within my budget. I eat at home now, and they feed me at work, so it's all good.

I go to Borders to see what books are out. I memorize the tittle and borrow the book from the library. Free of charge.

My house doesn't have cable. No one minds because all the good shows are on the regular channel, anyway.

So far, so good. I haven't used my credit card in a loong time. Right now, I am focusing on paying it off. I am constantly learning about financial jargons... I have broaden my horizon. I pay more attention to the word CDs, stocks, investments.

When I have kids in the future, I will definitely teach them about the value of money and not spoil them too much on unnecessary things. I am going to show them that the great things in life are free. I won't buy them the trendiest toys but I will use that money to take them to see the world and spoil them on making everlasting memories.

Dove Products

2007-01-28T12:56:00.000-08:00

Dove has come a long long way. It has expanded from just bar soap to shampoo& conditioner, deodorant, body lotion and liquid soap.

Now, they have expanded their collection to Dove Pro Age for women over 40 years old. The products include hand and body lotion(improving surface cell turn over), face care (including sun protection), hair products (protect hair brittleness) and deodorant.

As for me personally, I pay close attention to skin care. I was never a big fan of designer brand name products when it comes to skin care because the more expensive the product is, the more chemical they put in it.

The first thing that drew me in to their products was their commercial "Campaign for Real Beauty." In the commercial they showed women of all colors, of all age, shape and sizes feeling comfortable in their skin. Instead of seeing skinny beautiful women parading in their undies, I see women who look like me on TV. What a good way to grab attention. Unilever is so smart!!! They know how to compete with P&G (as much as I love Pantene). For instance I notice that Dove's packaging are similar....white body, blue cap. Be it shampoo, soap, deodorant..etcetera. A simple method because the vision is important for consumer. In the middle of colorful skin products, if you notice blue and white..yepppp...that's dove products... go to the shampoo aisle..you see yellow, pink, green, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...... and then blue white...that's DOVE!!!! Brain likes simplicity. You put a picture in as a lable with mumbo jumbo words, your brain just ignores it. Simplicity is the key.

But what good of a commercial, packaging if the quality itself doesn't support it?

The reason of why Dove's products are so successful is that they are consistent with maintaining good quality at a reasonable price. I love love their shampoo, deodorant and soap. They smell clean and make my skin feel smooth for the whole day. Oh, and did I mention reasonable price? With 5 bucks you can walk away with 710 ml of body soap which can last for a whole month. If you are not sure about their products, go to their website. You can get free samples to try at home.

BOTTOM LINE: Good price+ good quality=Dove

You do know, Unilever doesn't pay me for writing this right? It's aight... I did it for love :P

Happy Snow Day

2007-01-21T21:58:00.000-08:00

Today, I took a moment to enjoy the snow.

It's funny how a simple thing can make everything 1 million times more beautiful.

These pictures were taken by my sister as we stroll around Forest Park, St. Louis.

Happy 2007!!!!

2007-01-15T14:07:00.000-08:00

This year started off in a mellow way. I spent New Year's Eve at home and spent the next few days after that working.

But there is a certain excitement about this year. I don't know why, but I have this inkling that this year is going to be a good year for me. First of all 2007 is the year of the Boar a.k.a my year (pig pig pig!!!)... second of all it just feels so damn good for no apparent reason.

I made new year resolutions this year. I know how they say that don't ever make new year resolutions because you tend to break them. I didn't make one until last year. My last year resolution was to join the gym because I needed to get in shape. I did that for a good 6 or 7 months. and then... I quit... but hey.. at least I kept my new year resolution, right?

So I did some thinking in December on ways to improve my life... and how to be a happy person no matter what life throws at me. I know it's totally unrelated to what I had just mentioned but in the midst of all of that thinking, I found myself not liking chicken, beef or lamb...It just happened like that (snap fingers). I didn't plan it or anything nor did I have any reasons of doing so. So I have been semi vegetarian for a month now (I still eat seafood). I am not being hard on myself..if in the next few months or year I suddenly eat chicken wing it's ok.

I know I'm weird.

The second resolution this year is to be smart about money. I have been working since I was 16 but I had $0 bank saving. I believe that there's something wrong with the banking system because the money going in is less than the money going out. Or at least I tried to believe so. And I just realized that all of those clothes in the closet have been untouched since I bought them...or that I bought too many clothes that I just forgot I had them. So now I just shop less..or shop if I REALLY REALLY need something. I am no longer tempted by sale signs... oops... I still do but I just hate the guilty feelings afterward. I work almost everyday, and I finally understand the value of money and how important it is to have savings. I still have a long way to go but baby steps count!!!

The third resolution is to have inner peace. I am beginning to learn about myself... funny how all these years I felt so exhausted of unimportant things. I just realized that!!!! I learned to take time for myself at least once a week. When I am at work I take care of other people and my days at work are not exactly smooth either. I have to keep up with people's demands.... and that makes me super exhausted at the end of the day. When I am at home, there are certain things that drive me insane too although is nowhere like at work but still I have to deal with my bro's stupid jokes :P I now find myself alone (on purpose) from time to time just to clear my head and hear my own thoughts..also to remove myself from other things for a minute. I see the difference. I laugh more and I am no longer having bad moods.

I also learned to let go of things that weigh me down. I no longer hear negative words from people because those things just keep me away from focusing on my priorities.

I learned to take one thing at a time and to relax a little bit.....

So, cheers to 2007!!!

2006-12-29T00:00:00.000-08:00

"Grow old along with me,
the best is yet to be..."

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!

missing him

2006-11-23T12:18:00.000-08:00

It's official. I'm now in a long distance relationship. Something that I have been dreading for many many years.

I have always had a profound fascination of people who are able to make it through their long distance relationship. I am sure it takes a lot hard work from both sides(and tears, high phone bills..) to make it happen.

I have now found myself stepping into an unknown territory. I am scared and sad, but mostly sad.

Gosh, I miss everything about him. I am not lying when I said that he's the kindest person I have ever met in my life. He cares so much about me and my family. He's the type of person who's going to be there the second someone needs help. And he does so behind closed door-and that the only one he needs to impress is God and God only.

He taught me to slow down. "Life happens when you're busy making plans," he said that to me over and over whenever he saw me planning my weekly schedule.

I miss seeing him interacting with my family. I don't know why, but I just love seeing him in the kitchen mingling with my mom. I love finding out after work that he had spent the morning going grocery shopping with mom, the afternoon playing basketball with my brother, and helping set up dinner for the whole family at night... anddd listening to my dad's "wise words" without complaint.

The day I sent him to the airport was the hardest day of my life. I almost couldn't let him go. He kept on saying to me, "Please don't let me cry." The funny thing was after hearing that I was the only one crying in front of my family and friends. He took my hand and said, "Hey, look forward to the future."

I went home only to find the bathroom was messy as usual. The floor was wet, his wet towel was hung at the same place, his toothbrush was where it wasn't supposed to be, the cap of the toothpaste was 1 ft away from its body. The only difference that day was I was no longer angry at him for being messy. I was glad that he had left the place just like it was as if he left his footprints just for me. I cried right there and then. I didn't stop until the next day.

And the reason I had stopped crying was hearing his voice again from a distance still sounding the same as it used to be. And I finally knew that nothing had changed.

We have a big mountain to be overcome. Insyallah, we'll make it together :D

October

2006-10-16T22:30:00.000-07:00

I remember sometime around this month in 2003.

I met him for the 1st time at a soccer field. He was the goalie. All I saw was his bright blue sunglasses and his inability to block the ball ;P I didn't know he was Malaysian. and he thought that I was Vietnamese.

Then I met him at a party in his apartment. We were with two different crowds. But all we noticed was each other. At this time, he found out that I'm Indonesian. I told him that we would have met sooner if he didn't drop that stupid class we were supposed to take together...

Long late night talks, emails, notes.

He began to stalk me like a lost puppy.

and I stopped taking his calls.

He refused to take the hint.

He stood in front of my door with 2 Baskin Robbins ice creams, waiting for me to open up the door.

No matter how hard I tried to drive him away...the more he became persistant.

It's not that he's a bad guy. It's quite the opposite, really.

I guess I was just scared that it was too good to be true.

He wouldn't give up until I said yes.

So I did.

For the first time, I don't need any reasons to fall in love.

So here we are 3 years later....

I still love him like a fat kid loves cake :D

home sweet home...

2006-10-05T21:22:00.000-07:00

I am in the process of hunting for inexpensive contemporary furnitures for the crib. It's hard to find furniture of my taste here in St. Louis. And if I do find something, they are usually out of my budget ;*( I am not a big fan of oversized sofa with ruffles here and there. And I'm also not a big fan of leather sofa because I just can't stand the smell. Soooooooo... I'm looking for something more of a simple comfy sofa with a neutral color.

Now now, I loooooveee Ikea, which is known for its cuteness and the not so expensive price. In other words, Ikea is like Forever 21 of the furniture.hehehehe... There is one Ikea store in Chicago, which is 5 hrs away from here that I can't imagine going long distance just for furnitures. and I'm too lazy to put all of the pieces together. I just don't have the patience, I guess.

So, these past couple of days, I have been flipping through newspapers, researching the internet and calling every possible furniture store in town to see what they carry and at the same time finding out their price range. I found a warehouse in East St. Louis which is known for their cheap price. So today, me, bf and mommy drove to the ghetto to check out the place. The warehouse is so scary but when we went in, we were surprised by what they have. They have so many cute stuff and inexpensive too. The downside of that is they don't deliver. The owner of the place referred us to Jennifer Living. Now, I am very familiar with that store because there used to be one in my neighborhood...but I haven't seen or heard about that store in a very loooong time.

So we stopped by Jennifer Living. At first we hesitated because it just looks expensive from the outside..but DON"T JUDGE THE BOOK BY ITS COVER!!! We found a chic sofa bed complete with the serta mattress for $299. It's just our luck that the sofa is back ordered and we have to wait for 10 weeks. SIGH. All of that work for nothing. But I still have time to check out Weekend's Only to see if they carry a similar type of sofa.

The next thing on my list is the small small things like beddings, curtains, shower stuff. So I went to Target. I HEART TARGET!!!!
Anyway, as I was browsing the home department, I came across Simply Shabby Chic. I remember seeing a run through for this brand in the style network awhile back. But I had no idea that they have so many selection. It's girly but nooottttt tooo much. The color selections are soft It's just nice and simple. It's perfect. :D

There are still so many things to do. I have to start throwing away junks in my room. I have boxes and boxes of shoes and clothes that I'm planning on giving them to Goodwill. I had no idea that I had so many bags. I'm planning on giving them away too. and I have no idea what I'm gonna do with bottles of unused lotions. I'm minimizing my stuff, you see...hehehe... The only question is, when will I actually have the time to do it, especially that I work 50 hrs a week?

long time no write....

2006-09-28T18:48:00.000-07:00

First, I would like to wish my Muslim friends Happy Fasting.

I can't feel the spirit of Ramadhan here in the US. It's a totally different feelings when I was back home. Here I don't sahur. One: I'm lazy to get up. Two: there's usually nothing to eat at 3 in the morning. So I just pig out during buka puasa. Grab every food in sight...hehehe..... I went to shalat Taraweh last Sunday. I was at the Mesjid for a good 2 hours. My thighs hurt. It was 23 rakaat....every 2 rakaat salam...2 rakaat salam... plusss the doa was soooo long. It wasn't like he was reading surat Al-Ikhlas....he was finishing all the juz from the Al-Qur'an.

So, it's almost October. Time sure flies by so fast. I can't wait until the weather is cooler. I loooooveee the smell of the air during fall. I love walking through leaves on the ground. I love looking at the leaves changing color from green to yellow to red. Ohhhh....and halloween...

I've been working a lot lately. Like 50 hours per week. I just go home to sleep and eat. During my day off, I usually sleep in and park myself in front of TV. I just have no energy doing anything else.

But I chose to wake up early today. I just needed to get out. Lately all I've been at home and work home and work. So I went to see if I can find me a nice pair of shoes. I went to many different shoe store and couldn't find what I was looking for. You see, I am picky when it comes to shoes. I used to wear high heels ever single day. Now my feet are tired. So I was looking for more of a pair of flat shoes or kitten heel shoes WITH BUCKLE. Yes. I love buckles. I saw Michael Kors shoes..very nice looking...but not sure if I wanted to get them. The price is about right, but I'm just not used to the color. So I'm gonna think about it for a month. But I did find a pair of flats by Kate Spade ...simple shoes yet elegant..hehehehe... I don't need shoes...really. I have tons of shoes but I've noticed that I bought shoes that aren't comfortable. So I never really wear them. I just put them in my closets.

Oh yeah... I've developed a hate relationship with the airport. I felt sooooo sad when I was sending my friend to go home to Indo for good. In 2 months, I'll be sending my bf off to Malaysia. huhuhuhu.... so sad. But I'm going to be strong because we have to move forward, right? We can't be in the same place forever. So... I guess October is a busy month for me. I have work, and helping my bf to pack...go to outlets to buy suits with him...go to Chicago. anddd... I have family stuff I have to do. Oh..and Idul Fitri.... I think I need a daily planner.

Oh.. it's time to buka puasa.... my mom's making bistik sapi w/ kentang goreng....yummmmm!!!!

wedding....

2006-09-21T09:34:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Sissi & Sebastian!!!!!

Si mbak rambut kriwil kriwil-tukang makan-takut eye lash curler- senyum tanpa alasan, sudah married rupanya.

Mbak Sissi,

You look like an angel on your wedding day. Your smile is contagious. Your happiness and outlook of life bring joy to the people around you. You truly deserve all of the happiness in the whole world :D

Cheers to the future !!!!

2006-09-13T21:40:00.000-07:00

I'm in love with this coat. I had a similar one. Sadly someone took it when I went clubbing.

I love peacoats. I'd prefer to invest in a classic coat rather than a bulky one. I figure I can always layer with light sweaters underneath. And... I love the neutral color because it goes with every color of pants and shoes...and gloves :D Oh yeah... not to mention that it's very flattering to my curvy figure.

This particular one costs around $150. I guess I'd have to break my piggy bank.

2006-09-11T23:26:00.000-07:00

Can you get to the future if the past is present?

Autumn in my heart

2006-09-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

I blame Melz for bringing Korean fever into my house. We are now officially lazy to let go of our pajamas, scrunchies, and korean noodles. We have cried buckets of tears. We have indulged every snacks in sight as the cause of after movie depression. It's all because of our love of the Korean movies. Also as the cause of watching to many Korean VCDs, we now know about 100 Korean vocabularies ;P...and we are loving the headaches and puffy eyes that we get in the morning.

I love you, Won Bin. *Big Grin

In Memoriam

2006-09-04T21:51:00.000-07:00

Steve Irwin, the "Crocodile Hunter."

1962-2006.

My childhood hero.

He's no Superman, Batman, Spiderman. But he is the only person I know who wrestles with the scary ugly creature.

And for that, I applaud his bravery.

May he rest in peace. Amin.

Labor Day Weekend

2006-09-04T20:33:00.000-07:00

I had a great weekend. :D

Friday (didn't count b/c I worked the whole day), Saturday, Sunday, Monday.

My bf and I went to Warrenton Factory Outlet on Saturday. It's a long drive from where I live so we figured we might get hungry on the way there. So we had Shu Feng shrimp fried rice to go and 2 small root beer from Mc. D. hehehehehe... I am not particularly fond of that outlet. 1. It doesn't have my favorite stores 2. It doesn't have my favorite stores. But it does have Nike outlet, which is my bf's main reason to go there. While he's in Nike, I walked to Liz Claiborne to see what they have. They were having a 30% off of everything, even clearance stuff. I found a cute bag underneath all of the ugly ones. Regular price $78.00 went down to $49.99 went down to $19.99 went down to $6.99..... and I paid $3.99 for it. Dayummmmm!!!! After that I went to Nine West. I'm actually looking for a pair of wedges shoes....you know the platform shoes kinda thing. But they don't have it. So I figured I checked the back clearance section. I found a pair of velvet flat and sandals. They are soooo cute. ANNDDD cheap. I got both things for $20.00 b/c it was 50% off after clearance. Happy happy joy joy... Oh... and my bf only got a pair of shorts while I had 2 big shopping bags.hehehehe...

On the way to the Mills Outlet (another place that I just had to go to), we decided to make an exit at Midrivers Mall. You know I've lived here in 11 years and that's the only mall that I've never been to. *Shame on me. The mall actually reminded me of Chesterfield mall. There are actually some stores that I've never seen before. Like Urban Behavior. I love love love that store. They have so many cute stuff there. But I'm thinking since I am not familiar with this store yet, I only bought one bell sleeve t-shirt. After that, we went to the Mills. Yeah.... I was kinda dissapointed because there was nothing good. I don't know, I just have a love hate relationship with the Mills. One reason is that I always feel unsafe there b'c it's just so damn ghetto. Second it's because there aren't that many sales. I went to the saks 5th avenue to see if they carry something that catches my eyes. They have Juicy Couture t-shirts that are so inexpensive..but they're not cute. Bleahhhh....

Saturday was also fun. It was more of a family day. We went to the Greek Festival by my dad's office. They had this big tent with yummy food. Yumm yummm..... they have shish kebob with rice, gyro, lamb chop, calamary..yumm yumm yumm... we stayed awhile to see people dance. It was very very nice. After that, we went to Forest Park. I know that it's not the best park in the whole world (don't compare it with New York's Central Park). But boyy.... I was so surprise to see how far they've come to fix the place. It's actually very very nice. They fixed the canal so people can go boating. The also fixed the landscapping. We actually saw a wedding there. It's like San Francisco meets Venice, Italy kinda thing. After we went to the park, my dad decided to go to Creve Couer Lake to eat dinner while looking at sunset. So we went to Royal Chinese Barbeque to get food to go. When we got to the lake, it was kinda dark, and the sun was kinda gone already. But there are alot of people still in their boat, a lot of people still fishing. Good times.

So today, Monday, we went to our friend's house who's organizing a surprise good bye party for our friend Whinsky. We had to park 3 blocks away just for the surprise to work. I've actually never been to a surprise party before so I was just sooooo excited. We surprised him, alright. His brother actually told him that they'd go golfing but drove him to that house to pick up people. He was so speechless. There were a lot of people!!!! Like people who I thought wouldn't come, they actually came. It felt so nice to see many familiar faces who I haven't seen in almost a year. I actually miss them. We ate Popeyes and food from RCB. It was good fun. We cut the cake and sang songs with the guitar. I almost cried because it was very touching to see that a lot of people actually care for each other and especially for this friend who's leaving to Indonesia for good.Now that I think about it, a lot of people have moved on with their lives. It's bitter sweet because I personally do not like to say good bye. I HATE GOOD BYES. But you know, that's life.

I ate too much this weekend. I have to put myself in detox and go to the gym.... Damn... haven't been to the gym in a month. Laziness. Ohhh maaannnn, I have to work tomorrow. and I can't find that darn work pants.

God, please let me have a good week. Amin.

heartbreak

2006-08-27T20:42:00.000-07:00

My bf has been getting little sleep.

Which caused him to be cranky, moody... even though I could tell that he was trying to hide all of that.

It turned out that someone broke his heart.

No, no... I didn't break his heart.

After a few hours of interrogations he finally confessed.

SITI NURHALIZA is the girl behind his heartbreak.

She married Datuk K.

He's so heart broken that he messaged all of his guy friends on msn just to talk about the wedding.

Sorry, honey.... you just have to get over it, because the rest of Malaysian guys are having their heart broken too.

hehehehe..... I'm having a field day teasing him about it.

Just to add wood to the fire, I sent him youtube video of her wedding for him to see.

I'm evil..mmmmuahahahahaha...

Good Riddance

2006-08-23T17:45:00.000-07:00

Today I chose to revisit the time when the bad things in the world just didn't seem to exist.

I miss High School.

Stinky hallway, stupid HS boys, cute HS boys, abercrombie & fitch era, plaid mini skirt, Coach Penn, German class, ditching math class to walk around the football field with the girls & talk about nothin, detention for chewing bubble gum, ditching class in general for Mc. D, sitting on the floor to enjoy lunch with the gang, being chased by Clayton for soda money, chasing Clayton to pay up 4 years worth of soda money, getting kidnapped by the guys unwillingly and drove around the block just for fun, STUCO late night meeting, Paula Abdul aerobics, football games, field hockey practices, grass candle, running 3 miles in 100 degree weather, Coach Helen's nonsense Australian accent, slurpee, homecoming dance, parties, prom night, falling asleep on Ms. Burgoyne's couch with 5 other people, staring at hot underclassmen running tracks, driving around with the girls in a convertible, calling shot gun to fight for the best seat in Preethi's beat up car, krispy kreme donuts, eating snow from the ground from being dared, group hugs, laughters...

and the list seems to go on and on.

So take the photographs, and still frames in
your mind
Hang it on a shelf in
good health and good time
Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all
the while...

~Green Day

2006-08-09T17:35:00.000-07:00

I think I have shopping fever. No no...not the kind that makes you wanna shop non stop. It's actually quite the opposite.

I consider myself as an avid shopper. Swipe this swipe that. Gosh.. why did they even invented credit cards anyway. It's a tiny plastic that does wonder..hehehe... It's not like I buy some important stuff. I buy unnecessary things like lotions that I don't need, soap that I bought just because it was on sale, lipsticks....tooooons of stuff. It was exciting at the mall, but when I got home, it was like, "What the hell did I do?" and I regret my action when I look at the receipt.

But then a miracle happens.

I went to the mall last week and BOOM!!! my appetite of shopping is gone. I walked in to GAP and walked out 3 minutes later. I walked in to Forever 21 and walked around and around thinking, "Do I need this? Do I need that?" and walked out with nothing. Hmmm....interesting.....

Why a sudden change?

The answer is simple. I have finally matured!!!! :P yeahhhh right...

You see, I have learned to appreciate money because I now work in a restaurant as a waitress. I get 3 dollars tip here.... 10 dollars tip there... and finally I have learned to appreciate money.

"Money doesn't grow on trees," they say.

It's true. It doesn't.

I am no longer a shopping queen. I've proudly given that tittle away.

I'm patting myself in the back :D

Makcik

2006-08-07T20:49:00.000-07:00

I would like to thank PASTEL MAKCIK for the super delicious pastel and sambal in the whoooolee wiiide world. :D and thank you Ms. C for Taro rumput laut, minyak kayu putih, Beng Beng, cokelat Top. ahhhh... pleasures!!!!

Hell's Kitchen

2006-07-31T19:21:00.000-07:00

This is my new favorite TV show. At first I hated it because of the main character, Chef Gordon Ramsay is EVIL!!!!! If you think American Idol's Simon Cowell is a bad-ass-potty-mouth-british dude...Chef Ramsay is 100000000 X worse than Simon!!!

In 'Hell's Kitchen,' Chef Ramsay has to select 1 out of 10 chefs to be the owner of one of his restaurants in Las Vegas. Each episode, the contestants cook in Hell's Kitchen to cater to 100 restaurant guests. So imagine trying to cook as fast as possible, trying to please Chef Ramsay's standard while getting yelled at and be called "stupid fat cow", and having a plate of pasta thrown at you...not fun. I swear everytime I watch this show, my heart beats so fast and I would get so angry and yell at the TV and cuss just for the hell of it. It's darn exciting!!!!

Now that I think about it, I finally get why Chef Ramsay is so mean. Working in a restaurant is all about pressure. Timing is the key. You just can't afford to mess up. Plus... customers, especially hungry ones, are so picky anddd demanding. I understand the whole restaurant process, especially now that I'm a server. I'd get yelled at by customers, even though it's not necessarily my fault, if the food is not right or takes a long time to come out. Imagine cooking an entree in 2 minutes. Chopping, grilling, sauteeing. Fast fast fast. Pressure pressure pressure.

Just like they say,

"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen !!!"

Hi

2006-07-30T21:29:00.000-07:00

I actually have nothing important to write ;D I just wanted to say HIIIIIIIIIII and wishing y'all a wonderful Monday.

P.S- I'm craving batagor, combro, bala2 and ayam gorengnya pak Haji Antapani. Don't ask why.

Update

2006-07-24T13:05:00.000-07:00

I'm still alive.

I didn't have electricity for 4 days due to the storm that hit STL last Wednesday. Knocking down a big ass tree in front of my house. The weather was very hot last week. It reached 100 degrees F. Hella hot. No electricity means no AC=sticky icky body. We stayed at home on Wednesday night regardless of how hot it was. But Thursday, we could not take it anymore. We had to go out to eat because we had to throw out half the food in the refrigerator. The restaurant was packed with people...probably in the same situation as we were. It was an utter chaos. I felt like I was in the war zone. Tree debris all over the street. It was dark everywhere.

My bf offered us to stay at his place because he had electricity. I am just sick of taking a shower in the dark, changing clothes in the dark so I packed up all of my stuff and brought my family and friends ( Mellz and Mikie) to his house. 1 bedroom apartment filled with 8 people..hehehehe.. nice.

I gotta say it's amazing how people panicked over not having electricity at their house. I mean understand why but I just thought that the storm wasn't THAT bad. Anywho, we are one of the lucky ones. There are only 3 houses in the block with electricity including ours. So at night it's scary. I feel like living in a ghost town.

Things that I missed last week was easy access to the internet.hehehee.. and my own bed. Sleeping on the floor sucks. :P

I still have 1 refugee living in my living room upstairs. MIkIe!!!!!!! I feel sorry for her. When she left Indo for here, the Tsunami had just happened..when she arrived in STL, she was welcomed by a big storm...hehehehe.. bad luck I guess.

On to the next topic:

Last night we watched Miss Universe on TV. Kinda dissapointed with Nadine b/c she seemed unprepared for the interview. Her answer was all over the place. She looks 'bule' alright, but I think she shouldn't just rely on her physical appearance. I would love to see someone from Indo who can represent what Indonesia is all about. The knowledge about the world, good personality, friendly, who has an eye for good clothes (how come they wear sucky clothes?). But I gotta give props to Nadine for her guts even though I know a lot of people back home who are against her.

BTW, Malaysia sent a representative but the girl HAS to be Chinese Malaysian. They don't allow Malay girls to go because of the swimming suit issue. Understandable but keep in mind that Malaysia is a MUSLIM country. Indonesia is NOT. I just think that there should be a proper solution for that... for instance wearing 1 piece swimming suit instead of 2 piece. I would love to see non Chinese, non bule Indo girls to participate, without controversy back home... No racial issue or anything but I just think that all should be given an equal opportunity to compete.

Enough rambling.

Me hungry. Gotta eat. Blood sugar is low. :(

Toolioo!!!

Tsunami

2006-07-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

Another reason of why we should not take things for granted. After all we're all this small when we go against Mother Nature.

I pray for the victims in Indonesia. May Allah give them strength and patience to go through this tragedy.

Amin.

spinning the wheel

2006-07-08T22:54:00.000-07:00

I'm busy. Not as busy as President Bush..but pretty close to that.

Working. Preparing for a job interview (next Wednesday). Studying GMAT with Mr. Handsome Guy ;D Watching Korean VCD (27 to go!!!!). Reading summer novels. Working out. Keeping in touch with old friends.

I've been taking a good care of myself.

And it feels hella gooooddd ;D

P.S- Irena DM. I miss you. *big hugs*

Superman, please save me ;D

2006-07-01T14:24:00.000-07:00

Major hotness!! hubba hubba....

If you haven't seen "Superman Returns" well GO SEE IT!!! Two thumbs up! The story line is so good, Brandon Routh's body is so oohhh lala! Tshhhhhh smokin' hot! I think this is I nearly had a heart attack. The whole time in the movie theatre I was daydreaming about running my hands on Superman's pectoral muscles.... Who doesn't love tight pants...ooohhh look at his sexy butt!!! :D

I'm also a big fan of "Smallville," which is TV's version of Superman. This Superman doesn't know how to fly yet..but his power is his sexiness :P The story line sucks, but I don't care. Man... Tom Welling is so HOT!!! His blue eyes, his lips, his perfect jaw, his perfect body. *Big puddle of drool* Oh..and Tom Welling is on my screen saver. I L.O.V.E. HIM!!!!!!

I'm giddy.. I'm so in love...

In transit

2006-06-26T16:06:00.000-07:00

A fellow blogger once wrote,

"Maybe God gave us a 'ticket' to find your soulmate. Some of us go to a land called commitment by plane. Direct flight. Some of us are stuck in transit just waiting to arrive at terminal soulmate"

It looks like I am that someone stuck in transit. Not knowing which way to go. It's hard to go through especially where there's nothing wrong with the relationship. No dent nor scratch.

Do long distance relationships ever work? We both feel that if we are willing to put extra work in it nothing is impossible. Giving the fact that we both are old enough to know what comitment means.

But I'm scared. Scared of the possibility that it will end because of the outside factors. When you are away from each other, you're at your own world and go through life alone. And pretty soon you'll forget the other person.. bit by bit. Whether you want to or not.

I hope that's not the case with me and him. We've worked so hard for it. It would be totally stupid to just throw it all away. But time will tell, whether we'll make it or not.

I hate waiting. But I guess some things are just worth waiting for.....

I hate work

2006-06-24T14:32:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday. Something about today that makes it feel like it's Monday.

I feel bleah.

Managed to wake myself up at 1 P.M after an interrupted sleep. I just feel so annoyed this whole week. I feel like my bubble has been burst by an unwanted person. I don't know how Hollywood stars can handle having stalkers everyday.

I feel uncomfortable at my work place-a place dominated by mostly men. There are only 4 women there. And they stare.

I feel dirty. I feel dirty because I don't know what's running through their minds.

Worst yet, when this one particular guy made unnecessary gestures. Like followed me wherever I go, watch my every mood (like when I put eye drop b/c my contacts are drying out...and he stupidly said, "are you crying?" No dummo!!!!).....

and made stupid comments like, "We should go to Cancun, Mexico. I'll pay your plane ticket."
OK.. First of all, I can afford to buy a plane ticket myself. Why would I want this dude who I only know for 2 days to buy me one? Second of all, I am happily taken, thank you very much.

I don't get it. I tried every way to send the message that I am annoyed and would like to be left alone. I ignore him, I walk away. I even said the term" MY BOYFRIEND" over and over, like in every sentence...that dude doesn't quite get it. Is it maybe he doesn't know English very well? But who is it to blame? I mean... like last Wednesday, I told my boyfriend to come in just to "flag" me you know...even THAT doesn't work. Because yesterday, that dude asked for my phone number.

I understand IF my bf is shorter than me, skinnier than me and that dude keeps on pursuing me because he doesn't feel threatened. But my bf is like 6'4" weighing 280 pounds!!! He is practically 2 or 3 times bigger than a normal guy. Is that amigo blind or something? Jeez....

Oh.. and wuz up with all of these stupid nonsense questions like:

"Do you like corn tortilla?" "Do you like soccer?" 'Do you like Pepsi?" "Do you like guacomole?" Do you like baseball?" "You know Dina Santos?"

WHADDAFUCK!!!! Go F yourself amigo!!! You're lucky you didn't get shot when you cross the Mexican border.

Damn it!!! I have to see that dude on Monday and every single day after that. Man... I'm serious. If he starts to sexually harrasing me, I'm gonna report it to the police.

I'm so stressed out now :'(

KEDS...ANYONE?????

2006-06-18T19:16:00.000-07:00

OMG.... I am in love...with keds shoes!!!!

2 days ago bf was like, "My sisters want Mischa Barton shoes." I was like, "Those are keds... are they even cute?"

So I checked online.

Holly molly...they are gorgeous flats. They went above and beyond to design cute comfy flats...with colors and ribbons. No more regular white keds with shoe laces. Ohhhh so cute !!!!*drooling*

So I quickly talked to one of his sisters online. I was like, "OMG... keds are so cute!!" She was like, "I know... I want like 3 pairs!!!...."

I want 10 pairs!!!!! ...in different styles and colors...but don't tell anyone that. :P

I love flat shoes b/c my feet can't deal with high heels any more. They're so painful to wear and I get blisters everytime...plusss they just won't stop making those shoes with narrow toes...hmmm... major no no for me.. I don't like my toes to be squished, thank you very much.

Gosh... I just need to stop shopping.... PERIOD!!!

Transformation

2006-06-17T18:29:00.000-07:00

I am currently undergoing a major transformation in my life ;D

I decided to cut my long hair. The idea came out of the blue. I guess I am just carrying 2 lbs worth of hair on my head. I looked like a poodle in every picture and I was so darn sick of pony tails, enough with 1 hour blow drying my hair, so done with hair on my face everytime the wind blew... enough enough enough!!!!

So one day I was telling my sister about my hair dilema. She was like, "Let me cut your hair!!" I was like, "Ugh.... really??? You can cut hair?" She was like, "Yeah...I watch mom cut hair all the time." So I thought what the heck...why not. Hair grows back right??? It's not like it's the first time taking a drastic hair change. Puhleazee...

It was 1:00 in the morning and we were tip toeing in the kitchen. Stole mom's hair scissors and other gadgets.

I got to say that I was kinda nervous but I tried not to show it because I didn't want to make her nervous and cut my hair the wrong way. I held my breath the whole time she was cutting my hair... welll took a deep breath here and there after she was done with one section.

My dad walked in the kitchen and he was like, "What the hell are you guys doing!!!!" hehehehe... he seemed surprised and terrified. His face was so funny lookin'... He marched to the living room and yelled, "Buuuuu..... anakmu itu loh...potong potongan rambut di dapur!!!" Me and my sister were laughing so hard. My dad kept on walking back and forth pretending like he needed something from the refrigerator. I guess he was checking just to make sure I didn't shave my head bald..hahahaha...I know what my dad was thinking... I am known in my family as the crazy hair one. Man.. when I was in High School I did all kinda experiments with my hair. I dyed it purple, red and even bleached it blonde...the hair length went from super long to super short...with bangs to no bangs. I kinda stopped dealing with hair when I got to college....but I guess the "disease" came back...wakakakaka....

So chopy chop she went and boom bah...all my hair fell on the floor. Funny that all of the sudden my head felt light. I could feel the breeze on my neck. My sis gave me some bangs and layer the back and the sides to frame my round face....ooohhh.....she's so professional..maybe I should tip her...hehehe

I woke up feeling super sexy the next morning. My BF super loved it. He was like..."Oooohhhh.... you look so hot and so refresed. You look younger!!" Super duper happy....A lot of people told me that I could pass as a 18 year old girl. Yeah..right!!!! Me love my sis. It's so good to have a personal hairstylist.

Actually I have 2 hair stylists.

I forgot to tell you that my mom is a certified hair stylist. She does hair for a living

Annnd... I'm gonna ask her to color and highlight my hair. *evil laugh*

Ahh... sweet loving summer :D

;'(

2006-06-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to: Unbreak My Heart by Tony Braxton

Question:

Should I be mad if my bf's ex is still checking up on him, msn him, and emailing him?

Call me selfish but I want her to leave us alone.

Please.

Pretty please.

With a cherry on top. *_*'

Me so sad now. I want some ice cream...

P.S: Today is 6-6-06...the day of the devil. And the "devil" is attacking once more. Coincidence? I think not.

Th only good thing about today is that I got to eat dimsum and buffet..plusss Bath & Body Works is having a semi annual sale. :D

Movie Night

2006-06-04T01:10:00.000-07:00

My eyes are so damn tired from watching 2 movies in a row ;'(

The first movie we saw was "The Break Up." I'll give it 4 stars out of 5 just because I don't like the ending. Not a big fan of non happy ending. I just think every movie has AND need to have a happy ending or it would just be one pointless, waste of time movie. Anyway.... it's nice to see Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn together. They're hilarious. Forget about Brangelina. I am getting sick of seeing them all over the news.

The second movie we saw was "The Da Vinci Code." Call me ignorant but I just don't get the whole story. I thought the story of Jesus is supposed to be what it's supposed to be...but this movie is just pushing it and I just don't like it at all. I just think there are some divine secret out there that's just better left alone....like do not question Is Jesus God? or Is Jesus the son of God? Oh..and the story about Mary Magdalen is just confusing me even more. I thought Mary gave birth to Jesus... yessss..forgive me for never actually set foot in any Sunday school or never actually read the Bible.

Here are some movies that I can't wait to see:

X-Men 3
Lady in the Water
The Omen
Superman Returns
The Devil Wears Prada
Step Up (Starring none other than my future husband: Channing Tatum!!!) :P

Gotta get some shut eye. Toolioo!!!

Males and their hormones

2006-06-02T21:04:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to: Whenever You Call by Mariah Carey and Brian McKnight

Ok...I got this thought when I was hanging out with some guys on my trip to Wisconsin.

Little did I know that guys will never be content with what they have. That they feel the grass is always be greener on the other side. It doesn't matter if they guy is happily taken..they will, whether you ladies want it or not, stare at other girls. They go gaga over girls wearing tank top, short short and high heels. for asian guys...as long as the girl is skinny with long silky hair...they'll stare and drool... no matter if she's pretty or not.

WHY GOD WHY!!!! *tears*

As of me.... I don't look around. I am one faithful lady.

Errr....

I take that back.... will definitely look at him. I HEART CHANNING TATUM.SLURRRPPP!!!

But realistically speaking....girls are smarter than guys because well..me for instance... I always feel guilty if I stare at some dude at the mall. Usually I only check out their clothes. That's it!!! But this thing called emotional relationship goes beyond physical. Seriously... beauty is only skin deep. I always remind myself that I have a happy healthy relationship..that my bf is a good loving guy. And I am happy with that.

SIGH....
Now why can't guys do the same????

About iPod

2006-06-01T21:48:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to: my iPod..hehehe

My iPod nano is my new bestfriend. It's small, it's portable. I sleep with it, I run with it, I lift weight with it, I cry with it. It's pretty much with me every where I go. I love it with all my heart.

Well...except the fact that I am si Gaptek.

I don't know how to read instructions. I mean... who reads instruction booklet??????????

So all this time I have been wasting 1 hr of putting songs into my iPod. I was so jealous of those "drag and drop" people. Yeah... my iPod doesn't do that. So I have to upload all of the song and go to File and press the "update ipod" so there goes my iPod repeating all of the song..from old to new.

STOOOOOPIDDDD....

So finally I had to stop all of these madness. I marched my feet down to the Apple store.

The dude said," Whoever sold you this iPod is so mean for not telling you to upload the song 'manually'"

MANUALLY dummo.... *knocking my own head*

So all this time I have been doing it AUTOMATICALLY

Manual=Drag and drop!!!!!!!!!!!

The sun comes out again.

And I love my iPod even more.

see... love grows..hehehe

Madison Trip

2006-05-31T20:24:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to: Gray Sky Morning by Vertical Horizon

This post is long overdue.

I got back from the Malaysian Midwest Games on Monday. Man oh man, the muscle aches last the whole week. I've been sleeping like a baby more than 12 hrs a day. Not nice considering that I am a lady *ehem..*

I was soooo in need of a road trip. Phhhewww.

I am so glad that I made new friends. Those people I met over there are very nice to talk to. A breath of fresh air. This year was my second year going to the Midwest Games. The difference between this year and last is that we won 1st place!!!!! My bf and his buddies beat those mofos from other universities. Yeah...woooot wooot. And .... to top it off... my babaayyyy won MVP.

To tell you the truth, I was kinda scared being the only supporter for our team. Well, it was me and Fyfy. Man..check out the Nebraska team. They had water girls, gatorade girls, towel girls, mop girls. Shoooot. We had to make it clear to our team. "This team is a self service team, mmmkay!!!" hehehe... We went against the undefeated team of all time. But this time we were so strong because the guys practiced like day and night. Go Missou...ri!!! Hu rarara!!

The first day, we had 4 games. We won all of them so we got to go to the final round the next day. But all of those happiness had to change cuz my bf lost his wallet and cellphone. Talk about an all time stress. We had to file a police report, canceled his credit card, suspended his cell phone. I felt like I was about to puke because I was so mad. How could someone took his stuff. How mean!!! Aaaaargh. Lets just say the aura that night was not pleasant. He took his anger to basketball court. He said, "alright guys, I didn't lose my wallet and cell for nothing." It worked!!! He scored lotsa points on the final game against WMU. Whooooottttt!!!!

That night we went to the closing ceremony. I felt like I was somewhere in Indo...mm.. more like in Padang because of the way the Malaysian people speak you know. reminded me of the movie datuk maringgih..hehehe... berpantun ria!!! I had lotsa fun there learning about their culture. The dances are pretty much the same. They have a dance just like Saman but they call it Dikir Barat. Good experience. I felt so proud of the team when they went up on stage to receive their gold medal.

Oh... bf found the wallet and cell the next morning before we left for home. Guess where he found them? The front desk of the hotel. BF went outside to smoke and the attendant recognized him from the ID. It turned out that the stuff fell out of his unzipped bag and luckily a guest found them and returned them to the front desk. Knuckle head.

Life is pretty boring once I landed in STL. Back to reality...Ooops there goes gravity ...*eminem mode*

Summer here I come. Bring the fun people right over!!!!!!!

sister from another mother

2006-05-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to : Everytime by Janet Jackson

I believe that somewhere out there there's at least a person who looks like me complete with the personality. Yup.. You know why? I have been seeing people who look alike other people who I know. My Body Pump instructor looks like Nia Vardalos from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I swear to God!!! Well... except she's buff and blonde..but still. I find it really creepy. I talk to strangers whenever I get a chance because where I work I get to meet all type of people: weirdos, weirdos and weirdos. .....throw in some nice pleasant ones once in awhile. I saw this girl who looks like Natalie Portman..but with wavy hair, the guy who looks like Tom Welling in Smallville but shorter..the list goes on and on. Often I find myself thinking, "Hmmm.... I felt like I've seen person somewhere." That's just the face though. Imagine if they have similar face with similar personality. Weird....

But you know, you'll never know what's going on in this world. So many mysteries.

GOT TO KICK THIS LAZY SELF.

So many emails gone unanswered. So many call left unreturned. So many sms got neglected. What is wrong with me?..me knuckle head. My dad's birthday is on Thursday and I haven't gotten a chance to get him anything. It's so hard buying stuff for parents because I never know what they want..or if I knew what they want, it's usually hella expensive wayyyyy beyond my budget. But the hardest one is when they say, "I don't want anything for my birthday. I just want you to grow up to be a decent person." But I AM decent already. SIGH...not helping. So anyway...got to think fast about what to get him.

BTW, people think I look like Eva Longoria.

ehhh... that's a lie :p

almost forgot

2006-05-14T22:18:00.000-07:00

To my mommy,

Happy mother's day. I woooof you!!!

Promises

2006-05-14T01:45:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to: I Believe in Love by Dixie Chicks

It's 1:35 AM and I am sleepy. My contacts are bothering me. Prolly have to take them out by now.

It's been a long day. It's been a long week. I swear I feel like I am in a roller coster ride. One day good, one day bad, one minute happy, one minute sad.

I am so happy that as of now only few people knows about this blog. I'd like to keep it that way. People are judgemental nowadays. I am too...in a way.

As of now, I am trying really hard of figuring out what is it that really bothering me. It seems to me that I get annoyed with simple little things. Gosh...I hate seeing myself that way. I guess I have soul searching to do. And the funny thing is, I don't have that much time...tick tock.

It's hard to just focus on fixing myself and separate myself from all of these commotions that are going on. Like I am still holding grudges against all of these people surrounding me. Not all of them, but a majority. I don't remember when did I become this bitter woman? I found out that the world is not meant to be painted with rainbow colors. BLEAH... I guess I just have to live with the fact that where I live is not a good place. Of course the other side of the argument is that no matter where you live, as long as you have found that peace within you...then you'll be okay. Easy to say, hard to do. Again, this grudge will kill me one day.

GOTTA STOP ALL OF THESE NONSENSE.

So I will make these promises to myself:

-I need to not pretend to be happy when I am not happy.

-I don't need to set my feelings aside to please other people. I need to appreciate my feelings more. I chose who I love.

-I need to learn that in fact it is ok to be happy. That there's nothing wrong with being in my own skin. That people will talk behind me whether I like it or not...afterall they are entitled to their own opinion. It doesn't determine who I am. In the end of the day, the only person who knows me is well..me.

-I don't need to bring the past if I want to have a future.

-I need to stop blaming other people or the bad situations. Because I know and trust myself better to not get in the harm's way.

-I need to stop with all these hustle and bustle and start to smell the roses. That as long as the sun is still shining, I am still living.

-I need to learn to forgive and forget. Let bygones be bygones.

-I need to stop writing dark entries. At least decrease it to twice a month...hehehhee...

I feel better now. Even better after these contact lenses are out.

I made a promise to myself. Locked it away deep down inside
Told my heart we'd wait it out
Swore we'd never compromise
Oh I'd rather be alone
Like I am tonight
Than settle for the kind of love
That fades before the morning light

Silence stared me in the face
And I finally heard its voice
It seemed to softly say
That in love you have a choice
Today i got the answer
And there's a world of truth behind it
Love is out there waiting somewhere
You just have to go and find it

I believe in love, I believe in love
A love that's real, love that's strong
Love that lives on and on
Yes I believe in love

today's a good day

2006-05-09T20:14:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to: Whenever You Call by Mariah Carey & Brian McKnight

I feel much much better today. Thank God for the strength to go through another day.

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, I took a nap twice today...so all good.

I took the time to go to the gym today. I was contemplating of going but I miss my yoga class. I got there about 9:19 AM...kinda early so I went to Step class. Didn't sweat that much. I never had this instructor before so I was confused of the movements...didn't do too well there. Managed to look like an idiot spinning around the step. After that I went to Yoga class...never had that particular instructor either. Hey...where did all of them go? Yoga was weird today. She was playing up tempo songs so I wasn't relaxed at all. Worst of all, she dimmed the light so we were all confused. Anywho...enough complaining. I guess I just have to go to the gym again tomorrow to shed some more sweat. SIGH ... I decided to take a shower at the gym because I went through all the trouble packing up clean clothes. LOOOOOVE the shower!!! Sooo nice and I felt all squeeky clean afterwards. Love my gym!!!! I might try the sauna room next time I'm there. I just don't want to look like a loser being the only one in that sauna room. I'll bring a friend there next time. yup..yup...

This month is a good month for a lot of people. My cousin, Ery is getting married this weekend. My other cousin Mia is getting engaged..annnddd if that's not enough..my cousin Lizza is pregnant. SO HAPPY FOR THEM!!! I lost count of how many nieces and nephews I have up to date. Ohh... lots of people are graduating too. My bro will be graduating from high school the end of this month. And the PLN clan are graduating this weekend. Hip hip horray!!!!

I don't work as much nowadays. Only 20 hrs a week. I don't wanna work a lot anyways. I need some relaxing and clean up the house. There's a lot of things to be done. I know a lot of things are going to change from now on. It's scary for me, but I guess I just have to adapt and adjust. I figure why do I have to put up with all of these stress, you know. I have to learn to make myself calm and happy. The future is gonna be there whether I want it or not.

Oh.. one thing I also like to do is blog surfing. I notice the blogging world is rather quite nowadays. I guess people are busy. But I do enjoy escaping to other people's world...it's a therapeutic thing for me.

So, here's to another great day ahead!

Plan

2006-05-04T18:52:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to: You had a Bad Day by Daniel Powter

Life is not perfect.

Just when I think I am in control, I'm not. Just when I think I plan every step of the way, 99% takes a different turn...and I hate every single moment of it. I hate to adjust...it sucks. Lately it seems like when I thought everything was going smoothly, it went haywire. It's like I went to sleep thinking,"I can't wait for tomorrow to come." Then I woke up with bad news and I wished I had never woke up. It's that bad.

I just feel bad for my parents. They work hard to get to where they are now. And one evil person is just enough to ruin their dream.. and I am so mad. I am mad because I hate seeing them starting over from the beginning again. Where's justice when you need it?

With all of these commotions, I found myself feeling numb. It's like I thought I got everything figured out and then I just have to throw everything out the window. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I need a break. Why isn't there the end of the tunnel for me?

And I am trully blessed to have a partner in life who understands what I am going through and always there to lend a shoulder to cry on... to be there to make me laugh and to forget all of this sadness for awhile. He is truly the anchor of my life.

*SAD SIGH*

I just hope that God doesn't sleep on us and helps us go through this tough time.

Amin.

Recap of the Trip to the lake

2006-05-04T09:58:00.000-07:00

This is a view of the muddy lake from the condo after 3 days of rain ;(

sunshine, watching the sunset from the balcony, jet skiing, play sand volleyball, swimming, do outdoorsy stuff, endless shopping, dry clothes, wear sandals, wear short tees, play miniature golf, walkin' along the lake.

Instead:

It rained the whole weekend, scary drive to get to the lake, witnessed a car flipped upside down on the side of the highway, called 911, wet clothes, slept most of the time, ate mommy's cooking and had indomie for breakfast, hurried shopping, didn't get a Coach bag, bought a pair of jeans that fit for $20, bought Jessica Simpson tee on sale for $7, bought Tommy Hilfiger blazer again on sale for $10.

Having tons of fun with my family,

priceless.

A Letter for Mbak Okke si Sepatu Merah

2006-05-02T15:31:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to: You are not Alone by Michael Jackson

Dear mbak,

Please forgive me for changing your template. As you can tell, the template "A Single Flower" has been change to a simple white template. I can't help it that I suck at html and failed to upload the pictures to my own server. I hope someday you'll find it in your heart to forgive me. On a lighter note, you are still credited as the creator of this template, because without you, I am nothing.

Oh...and please don't sue me ^_^'

Sincerely yours,

si gaptek

Wheeeeee ^_^'

2006-04-27T22:31:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to: Amber by 311

Me so tired. Body aching. I've been working for 6 days straight. Very little sleep.

Soooo looking forward to this weekend.

Waking up to the beautiful sight of sunrise. Jogging along the "beach." Playing sand volleyball. Jet Skiing. SHOPPING!!!! I'm smiling ear to ear ;D

Tottliooooo.....

Hasta la Vista babayyyyyy!!!

Sappy Me ;'(

2006-04-22T20:19:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to: Sekali Ini Saja by Glenn Fredly

Hari ini aku sendu...

The bad thing about being abroad is the lack of knowledge of Indo Songs. Jadiiiii.... Alhamdulillah ada YouTube YOU ROCK!!!! I just type in the word "indo" and all these songs come out. Sometimes when I am alone in my room, I listen to these sappy songs and watch the videos...and I actually cry. Yes... tears coming out of my eyes. Cengeng...

I think Glenn Fredly has a super great voice. I got chills just listening to him sing. Why does he look Mexican? and somehow his face seems so familiar to me.hmm...

So yeah.. youtube connects me to the world. hehehehe. kan malu dikirimin lagu terus sama temen Indo (paging Iren hehehe) andddd... when the indo kids here talk about Indo artists I don't have a clue what they're talking about. Now I do!!!! Gosh.. I am such a dork.

Oh..am I imagining things here? I think Siti Nurhaliza kinda looks like Rossa. Maybe the make up..I notice both of them have the same facial features. Dont hold me accountable though, I am bad at comparing people.

Why am I so sappy today?

It might be the fact that it's dark outside (it's night time) or maybe it's raining (not really). Ahh... it might be PMS. Damn.

But seriously..I listened to Marcell while doing homework awhile ago and I had to dry out my books cuz they were flooded with my tears.

Only Indo songs, peeps. Only Indo songs. Lagu bule nggak begitu sendu..well, maybe Toni Braxton's "Unbreak My Heart"

Maybe I am just in love. Wheeee..... :D Almost three years and I still have the same butterfly feelings in my stomach. I love Mr. Doofus!!!

{"Cinta Sejati Datang Hanya Satu Kali" }

About Friendship

2006-04-15T19:58:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to: Hips Don't Lie by Shakira

I consider myself UNLUCKY in this Friendship category. I think I am just doomed in that department.

Maybe I just high expectations. I don't know. But I am for sure so sick and tired of watching the world goes upside down. People are supposed to turn for the better not for the worst. I guess that's a so called LIFE. LIFE IS HARD, GET A HELMET.

I wanna be like Rachel and Phoebe and Monica. It's just nice to have that close knit friends to be there with you every step of the way, every milestone of your life. Or.... it's just nice to drink coffee with them at a coffee shop. Or..just going through this so called life together.

When I was in high school, I got plenty of friends. I went to a small high school so everyone knows each other and the baggage that comes with them..down to the detail of each other's personal life (not good ..eeekkk). But then again, I lost almost all of my friends when we got to college because of sooo many different reasons. I guess we just went our own separate ways.

My bf and I had a conversation about friendship the other day. We discussed the fact that friendship does make a huge impact in both of our lives. And... we also look inward into ourselves on our relationships with our friends here. We found out through our discussion that people may behave in a certain way because of the change of environment..cieeehhhhh. But seriously. It is soooo hard to understand these people. I mean not all of them are weird but some are just over the top messed up! and for us, as much as we would like to accept them for who they are, it's just plain hard to do because they're just not being themselves. For instance, just like what I said in my previous post, watching these people turn from nonsmokers to die hard smokers, from non drinker religious people to alcoholics, to clubbers, and most importantly leading a reckless life. Yes...they do exist here. Is freedom a factor here? I mean....this might be a one time chance that they get to go crazy because they are away from their family or something. Or maybe I am just a plain old fashioned gal. But then again, who am I to judge?

SIGH

So bottom line here.... I think finding a friend who shares the same value of life is very important. For me, loyalty is highly valuable. Since finding good true friends is difficult makes me value the ones who have been with me all through these years... no matter how many seas, mountains and lands apart we are.

To my girl, you know who you are. Congratulations on your new chapter in life.

{"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."}

Me Myself and I

2006-04-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to: Strange & Beautiful by Aqualung

*I stole this from Izan ;)

My ex is the past that I don't wanna talk about

Maybe I should clean my room. It looks like bachelorette pad gone bad

I love it when he cooks for me. He's so creative. He can cook anything.

I dont understand why American Idol this year is so boring. Not to mention that they can't sing.

I lose my temper easily when people cut me off on the road. Don't mess with me when I'm driving..hehehe

People say Im opinionated and sexy ( okay I made that one up ;P)

Love is like chocolate. It makes you feel good and gives you butterflies in your stomach.

Somewhere, someone is thinking about naming their daughter "qt pie" hehehehe...

I will always be 5'3". I am a fire cracker. I am short, stout and loud (....eh..isn't that a teapot?) .

Forever is everything I hope it would be in my relationship.

I never want to have breast implants. It looks like it hurts. ...ouchh

I think the current US President doesn't know what he's talking about. He always has that question mark look on his face...hmppphh..

When I wake up in the morning, I turn off the alarm clock and go right back to sleep.

My past was what got me to where I am today.

Parties are fun with the right people and the right food. Bring in the chicken wings!!!! Good food, good people, good time ;)

My dog is going to smell extra nice...if I ever had one, but I don't.

My cat is ..yeah...don't have a cat either. I don't like anything with a tail.

Kisses are the best when hehehehehehe...I don't kiss and tell ;P

Tomorrow, I'm gonna wake up early and enjoy the day because I am off work tomorrow. yeay!!!!

I really want to lose weight.....and be able to fit into my old jeans.

I have low tolerance for ignorant people. I think people should be genuinely nice and sincere. But not a lot of people use their heart nowadays.

Okay I am done.

Holla back at me people. Yeah... I am talking to you. Come on, don't be shy. I know you're reading this :0)

R.A.N.D.O.M

2006-04-10T20:51:00.000-07:00

Currently Listening to : Where'd You Go by Fort Minor

This is gonna be a totally random entry, just bear with me. I have to get this unnecessary stuff out of my head before I go to sleep.

BTW, love the song I mentioned above. It's a mixture of the young Enya with rap..coolio.

Blogging is very addictive, don't you think? I looovvveee blog hopping, reading random people's blogs. Gosh, it's so amazing to take a peek at people's lives. It actually makes me feel blessed with what I have. Alhamdullilah.

Mommy wants us to go to the Lake of the Ozarks by the end of this month for the weekend. But don't know if I can get off work. Starting next week, I'll be working more than 40hrs per week because one of the lady quit. Oh man, I am so looking forward to being tired. Bleah. Anywho, I am looking forward to the family trip b/c we have an addition a.k.a sis' bf...hehehehe... Like always, I am in charge of booking the condo. Why does the price has to be sky high? I probably have to bid online.

Me and bf was going over the cost of our Wisconsin trip the end of May yesterday and we nearly fainted. Flight tickets, hotel, van rental, food, etc. Watching bf plays basketball and win MVP=priceless ;P I guess the paycheck from work is gonna go to that trip. I AM BROKE.

Pink is famous again nowadays. I was watching OPRAH today and saw her talking about her "Stupid Girls" video. She's right though, we got wayyy to many dumb blondes over here. My bf told me when he went to Hooters to get my chicken wings (hehehe...) he saw this sign by the cash register: "Wait for 5 minutes..Blondes still thinking." hahahaha...I notice that during the winter time, I don't see that many blondes but by spring break..they're blooming!!!! but you know, not all blondes are or act stupid. Kelly Clarkson!!!

Another thing I am addicted to is Friendster (don't we all). It's boring sometimes cuz there's not much to do there, you know, besides the usual checking out people's pictures and stuff. It's always fun to reconnect with old friends. Bless Friendster.

Is it me or people here have identity crisis? They landed to the USA and started smokin' and drinkin' and partyin'. Shame on them. Listen to what yo momma told you. Fool! That's sad. I mean they arrived all innocent and when they live here for a week they go crazy. Culture shock. Just chill, dude ( and dudettes). No need to show people that you're cool and shit. Damn ghetto Asians.

Okay....I feel better now. Sorry about the breakdown. Told ya it was gonna be random.

Hmmm...this ice chocolate mik is soo good. Me love chocolate milk.

Qt Pie out!

Busch Stadium Open House Tour

2006-04-08T23:46:00.000-07:00

Whatta great day I had today!! I got to go to the brand spankin' new home of the St. Louis Cardinals baseball team. We, St. Louisans, have been waiting for this day to come after they tore down the old Busch Stadium last year (STL is a crazy baseball town). They built the stadium overlooking the St. Louis downtown Arch and Court House. LOOOOOOVVVEEEE ITTTT!!! From the moment I walked in I could smell the new cement. Lotsa concession stands (gotta love baseball food). Oh...and padded seats instead of the old plastic chair that didn't do your butt justice ;(

I went there with my bf, my sis and her bf, and 1 couple and 1 not couple but wanna be couple..teheeeee ;P

We had to take the metro link because downtown parking is hella expensive (we're cheap like that ;P) The metro link was soo packed with Cards fans.... all red and white. Gotta love the spirit, man. After we arrived, we took pictures in front of the stadium. Then we got in line for ticket validation and bag check(ughhh) and we quickly went to the reserved seatings by the dugout..and guess what? we took more pictures there. We can't help it because one, we're Indonesians with FS accounts ;P and two, the place is just so beautiful!!!! After we took pictures we walked around to look for the famous philly cheese steak.... we passed by this hotdog stand and we just stood there and stared at the yummy food. They grilled the hotdog with onions... from far away it smelled like bakso..so we screamed bakso!!! bakso!!! (kampungan euy ...hehehehehe)...Then we went to the VIP lounge where the have the best view of the game and yummy first class food. Again, we didn't buy food there because it was wayyy over our budget. Like they had chicken parmessan for 10 bucks per plate and other stuff for more. Anyway..we were there to take some more pictures and touch the furnitures because it was once in a life time kinda thing...and also because we are not VIP material..we can only afford the top bleachers (we suck!!!).

We went all the top floor to look for philly cheese steak but they were nowhere to be found. The weather was sooo cold and we were just bunch of hungry kids but we would NOT settle for anything less than the famous philly cheese steak. And then we found out from the brochure that Busch Stadium no longer serves philly cheese steak. BOOOOOOOOO!!!! Why God, Why???? With heavy heart we left the stadium without Phil the philly cheese steak in our hands *tears*

Next destination: Old Spaghetti Factory.

We jumped on the train to the restaurant. But once we got there we saw a bunch of Cards fans waiting to be seated. The wait list was 2 hours long. The guys was pissed!!! the girls was just in pain with headache cuz we hungry. So we decided to go back to the train station to get our car.

And.... after the whole year of waiting to taste Phil the philly cheese steak, we had to settle for Applebees... DOUBLE BOOOOOOO!!! But we were hungry and cold..and we had to eat so why not....

But our pain didn't stop there.

The hostess made us wait 30 minutes for our table. Damn her!!! Well..well... we finished our food in 15 minutes. I think we were so hungry that we INHALE the food. kekekekkeke....

Overall, it was a great experience for me. I had sooo much fun! My bf and I will be watching the Cards game next Sunday on the top seats ready with our binoculars and hotdog in one had and rootbeer float on the other.

I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Sleepy head

2006-04-07T23:29:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been falling asleep everywhere I go. SIGH ;(

Lesse... I go to bed at 10. Usually struggle to wake up at 5:50... fall asleep anywhere during the day. What is wrong with MEEEEE?

Yeah..maybe I shouldn't complain, because I know there are lotsa people out there with insomnia.

I am not complaining about the sleep itself.

It's just that recently the dreams that I have been having are stooooopiddd, scary, and sad dreams.

For instance, at night, I always dream about getting trapped at this strangers' house getting beat up by a stranger...and I would always got up gasping for air. WTF!!! or.... I get trapped inside an abandoned hospital surrounded by dead people going up and down the scary elevator looking for a way out.

But when I fall asleep during the day, I dream about the reality..which is the feeling of regret of my decisions of going home and missing my family in the states..and I would wake up cryin'.

But last night, I dreamt of holding a cute baby boy. What the hell? Whose baby was that, I don't know. I woke up feeling confused. *_*'

*DOUBLE SIGH*

And... I remember what caused me to fall asleep so easily (and have all these bad dreams): YoGa .

YOGA TURNS OUT TO HAVE A GREAT STRANGE EFFECT ON ME. Weird.

Blame it on my yoga istructor who plays Enya CD *Oahmmmmmm*....oh.. and I almost fall asleep on my yoga mat during the downward doggie style (whatever they call it). Shame on her!!!* tck tck...*

Namaste.

Decisions...decisions...

2006-04-06T17:17:00.000-07:00

Should I stay or should I go?

I am in total dilemma. No, not a big pimple on my face. I am not that shallow ;P SIGH....
There's a 90 % chance that I have to go home ;'(

I don't know if going home is a good idea. Or is it?

Gosh, I was soooo mad when I found out that my visa cannot be extended. Mad like a crazy person. And then I got scared.. what if I have to go home? I haven't been home since I was 13 years old. I know a lot has change since then. This is my home, pretty much. My comfort zone. If I go back to Indo, I would have to make lots of adjustments. Well, one language... I still speak Indonesian, mind you... but all of these slangs I don't know about (malu..hihihi). Second of all, the weather... I am gonna miss winter, the snow, the feeling and everything. Gonna miss wearing a sweater, my peacoat, scarf and gloves. *ihix* I'm gonna miss going to Walgreens in 5 minutes instead of getting stuck in traffic for hours. Definitely gonna miss my family and my mom's cooking. *tears*

But the more I think, the more I understand that I have to get out of my bubble and spread my wings (cieehhh). I mean, I can't stay with my parents for the rest of my life. Pretty soon I am gonna have my own family (whenever that might be). Going back home means that I have to be a brave girl and getting to know myself a bit more, learn to take care of myself. Going back home means I have to get a job, get stuck in traffic, use internet dial up (booo....me love fast connection of internet). I HAVE TO GET A JOB!!!! Don't know what yet.. don't even bother to look for it yet.

On the bright side, Going back home means that I can visit Malaysia anytime I want..be closer to him. Exciting...ooohhh...and I get to be skinny again.

Skinny... hmpppphh.. I am still working on it ;P

But I am starting to question what I want. Gosh I am such a baby. Last month on my birthday, my family threw me a big birthday bash for me... lotsa hugs and kisses, waayyy over the top presents..as if it was the last birthday that they get to spend with me. So sad. I cried. I'm gonna miss them soooo much.

I have to make a decision as soon as next month.

I am excited to move forward with my life. But why is it so hard?

Brand New

2006-04-03T17:46:00.000-07:00

Hi hi....

Welcome..to my not so new blog ;)

I actually had one blog that I wrote religiously but sadly I had to delete it. After so many years of writing, it had to go bye bye *tears* I didn't get a chance to save my entries because I deleted it out of impulse. I was mad at the time..I went coo coo.

You see, when you have a blog such as this one here, you open the door of your life to strangers. If they're nice, they'll embrace your life and your thoughts. Because that's what blog is. It's a public diary without that little locket thingy. But when you meet weirdos and read your life, they become soo nosy and start to look at your life from a binocular and start to pick on your weaknesses. waaaaaa....... why do people have to be mean? *cry me a river*

So, why did I decided to write another blog?

It's Irena's fault !!!!(dadah dadah ..hehehe...). reading her blog made me want to write again.

Also I think writing is fun *dorky mode on* hehehe... but this time, I won't be tooo revealing about my life ( puh leazeee...my life is not THAT interesting anyway..it's not like I am Angelina Jolie ).

I am soo excited!!!!

So welcome..welcome....

Kick off your shoes..take a deep breath.... and..do whatever you please ;P

P.S- If you're mean, I'll pinch your nose ;P